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Band 5

Negative impacts of computer games on children with soultions

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One of the conspicuous trends of
today'
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today's
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 world is a colossal upsurge in the usage of
computers
Use synonyms
 for playing games in almost every part of the world, thanks to the advancement in technology. There are myriad consequences of playing games on
computers
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, which will be discussed with potential solutions in the subsequent paragraphs. At the onset, there are a plethora of negative outcomes of using excessive
amount
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amounts
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 of
computer
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computers
show examples
.
Firstly
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, it can have a detrimental impact on the social development of children. Individuals who spend
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of their
time
Use synonyms
 with
computers
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 in games and other activities tend to be less social and do not prefer to spend enough
time
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 with friends and family.
As a result
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, they lack social development and become shy and
under confident
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underconfident
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.
Moreover
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,
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
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 health of pupils can
also
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 be
hinder
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hindered
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 by staying in front of
computers
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 for long hours. It does not only hampers their physical growth
due to
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 the lack of outdoor activities
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 leads them to impaired vision because of the harmful blue rays emitted by electronic devices. Needless to say, all these repercussions have a far-reaching impact on the
overall
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 development of teenagers.
However
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, some effective steps must be taken in order to tackle the issue of spending
much
Rephrase
too much
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time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
time
Remove the redundancy
apply
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on
computer
Add an article
the computer
show examples
. The primary one is that parents should make some vigilant efforts. They should strictly limit the
numbers
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number
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 of hours
speding
Correct your spelling
spent
 on
computer
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computers
show examples
 by their
offsprings
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offspring
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.
Besides
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,
instead
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 of being couch
potetos
Correct your spelling
potatoes
potato
, youngers should rather do some outdoor activities
such
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 as running and jogging to improve their
phyical
Correct your spelling
physical
 health.
As a result
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, these disadvantages can be surely eradicated. To summarise, what has been discussed above I can assertively conclude that
although
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 playing on
computers
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 many drawbacks, still by implementing some rules and regulations on the
utilizations
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utilization
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 of
thses
Correct your spelling
these
electroninc
Correct your spelling
electronic
 widgets we can certainly reduce its harmful results.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples for each main point, as this strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are clearly focused on one main idea; this will improve your logical progression throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Recheck the grammar and wording; for example, use 'amount' or 'time spent' instead of 'amount of computer', which can create confusion.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and states the aim of the essay, presenting a clear structure.
coherence and cohesion
You have identified logical negative impacts of computer games on children's development and proposed solutions which demonstrates critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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