IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Negative outcomes and solutions of playing computer games

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the most noticeable trends in today’s world is the significant rise in the use of computers for gaming, largely
due to
Linking Words
 technological advancements.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon offers entertainment and engagement, excessive gaming has several negative consequences.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the major issues associated with computer gaming and suggest possible solutions to mitigate them. Excessive computer usage, particularly for gaming, can lead to several detrimental effects.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it negatively impacts children’s social development. Those who spend a considerable amount of
time
Use synonyms
 playing games tend to engage less with family and friends, which may result in social isolation, shyness, and a lack of confidence.
Additionally
Linking Words
, prolonged screen
time
Use synonyms
 can adversely affect physical health. A sedentary lifestyle caused by excessive gaming not only hinders physical growth
due to
Linking Words
 the absence of outdoor activities but
also
Linking Words
 increases the risk of poor eyesight
due to
Linking Words
 the harmful blue light emitted by screens.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these issues can have long-term implications for children’s
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. To address
this
Linking Words
 concern, several measures can be implemented. Primarily, parents should monitor and regulate their children’s screen
time
Use synonyms
 by setting strict limits on gaming hours.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, encouraging outdoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports, jogging, and cycling can help children develop both socially and physically. Schools and organizations should
also
Linking Words
 promote awareness campaigns on the importance of balancing screen
time
Use synonyms
 with real-world interactions. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
 gaming has become an integral part of modern entertainment, its excessive use poses serious risks to social and physical well-being.
However
Linking Words
, with proper parental supervision, outdoor engagement, and awareness initiatives, the adverse
effets
Correct your spelling
effects
 of prolonged gaming can be effectively minimized.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Great job on presenting a clear argument and addressing the topic fully. To enhance the score further, consider providing more specific examples of gaming effects in your body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and clear transitions which help the reader follow your thoughts. Adding a few more linking words could further strengthen clarity in your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, but tightening the conclusion with a more direct summary of your main points might enhance its impact.
task achievement
Well-articulated issues surrounding excessive gaming and thoughtful solutions suggested.
coherence and cohesion
Clear logical progression in your argumentation, making it easy to follow.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: