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Band 4

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinoin? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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We all were
children
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 once in our
life
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lifetime
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time
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. We all have experienced our
childhood
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,
may be
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maybe
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 some
time
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 ago.
Any way
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Anyway
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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childhood
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 is the most important
time
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 in everyone's life.
Children
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 are
most
Add an article
a most
the most
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 precious thing in the world. They don'
t
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 have stress as
elders
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 do.
That is
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 why every
child
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 should have to spend their
childhood
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 leisurely.
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Otherwise
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Otherwise,
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 when they become
elders
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 they will be
dissapointed
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disappointed
 about their life or they may be
fustrated
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frustrated
 about the
time
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 they have
spend
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spent
show examples
.
In
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At
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their
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an
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 early age,
children
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 don'
t
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 have much
lfe experince
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life experience
 and don'
t
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 have
clear
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a clear
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 understanding
about
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of
show examples
this
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so called
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so-called
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 right-wrong
phenomina
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
. The right and wrong depends on our perspective. If it
describe
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is described
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
briefly that means,
according to
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 our culture or the
neibourhood
Correct your spelling
neighbourhood
 we tend to define
right-wrong
Correct word choice
the right
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 criteria.
Although
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
national
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the national
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 level we
follows
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follow
show examples
 some habits, rules and regulations
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
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arose
Wrong verb form
arise
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 with
that criteria
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that criterion
those criteria
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, like
muders
Correct your spelling
murders
murder
,
steal
Wrong verb form
stealing
show examples
, hurting others as bad and helping others as good. But
in
Change preposition
on
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small
Correct article usage
a small
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 scale depending on our
religeous
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religious
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 we tend to follow some other
good-bad
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good
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 habits.
Like wise
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Likewise
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 in our
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childhood
Add a comma
childhood,
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 we have to go on with that right-wrong
phenomina
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
.
Then
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 how can
children
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 know about them
.
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?
show examples
That is
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 where the
elders
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, like
parents
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Correct word choice
and teachers
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teachers
Add the comma(s)
teachers,
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 are coming to the picture. In the first
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
children
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spen
Correct your spelling
spent
spend
 their early age with their
parents
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 and
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
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parents
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 as well. So
then
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according to
Linking Words
 their thinking coming with their
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 pump to the
child
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's mind. "Hey, don'
t
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 do that", "Please do like
this
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.." like wise
elders
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 guide their
children
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. After that they going primary school,
later
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and later
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 secondary school where they connect with teachers.
Then
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 again they
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 about new
things
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, working with
other group
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another group
other groups
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 of
children
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. And
also
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children
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 coming from different cultures and backgrounds.
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
show examples
 can learn lots of
things
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 in that period.
Due to
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 their experiences
children
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doing
Wrong verb form
do
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things
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, and
according to
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to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
our perspective those may be right, may be wrong. If they have
do
Wrong verb form
done
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 something wrong
elders
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, surely have to make them correct. If not
child
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 may go
along
Change preposition
in
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 wrong direction and end up with
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 bad
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and may
show examples
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison. Today we know there are situations
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 use for lots of unethical
things
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. Some countries and
areas
Add a verb
areas are
areas were
show examples
 very famous for that. So, yes,
ofcourse
Correct your spelling
of course
 we have to teach them what is good and what is bad. Sometimes we have to punish them if they
gone
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 too far. That should depend on the type and
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of the wrong they did. But somehow
parents
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 and teachers should have to make them correct.
Those decision
Change the determiner
That decision
Those decisions
show examples
 should
make
Wrong verb form
be made
show examples
 by the parent or teacher. That would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
prepare a good person
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the future.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the context but could more clearly state your position regarding the necessity of punishment.
coherence cohesion
Consider separating your main points into distinct paragraphs to improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples of good and bad behaviors, as well as types of punishment that are acceptable.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and the need for early moral education.
coherence cohesion
You provide a thoughtful discussion on the role of teachers and parents in teaching children right from wrong.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • morals
  • reinforce
  • consequences
  • positive reinforcement
  • expectations
  • emotional well-being
  • psychological
  • non-physical punishment
  • time-outs
  • loss of privileges
  • extra chores
  • empathy
  • internalize
What to do next:
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