IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying that nowadays online platforms play a crucial role to each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 by
use
Use synonyms
 to connect together and up to date
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global news. Despite the
fact
Use synonyms
 that there are some benefits of
social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
, I believe that can support
emotional
Replace the word
emotions
show examples
 and help
people
Use synonyms
 connect in
fastest
Add an article
the fastest
show examples
 way.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both aspects in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the negative
impect
Correct your spelling
impact
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 social media can lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of spending quality
time
Use synonyms
 with
people
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 that
moment
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 would mean
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 to convey knowledge of information and contact together, which can skip the real
moment
Use synonyms
 and forget to cherish every
moment
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, an employer
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 a party to celebrate
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an employees
Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
show examples
 who got
promote
Wrong verb form
promoted
show examples
;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, during that
time
Use synonyms
 they keep
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 lives on Facebook and TikTok platforms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
missing
Wrong verb form
miss
show examples
 the great
moment
Use synonyms
 because they
are focus
Change the verb form
are focused
are focusing
show examples
 on
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 not
situation
Correct word choice
and situation
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 would lead to the
fact
Use synonyms
 that spending online
time
Use synonyms
 can decline
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vital social
interact
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite its
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
,
how ever
Correct your spelling
however
show examples
, there are a number of advantages. One of the primary benefits is
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 is the fastest way to connect with family in real life. If,
for example
Linking Words
, a pupils go to study abroad
such
Linking Words
 as
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
a master
show examples
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree in the UK , they can video call to
contect
Correct your spelling
connect
contact
 with their parents anytime they need. Another point worth noting is that can
encorage
Correct your spelling
encourage
people
Use synonyms
 who have a tough
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be explained by the
fact
Use synonyms
 that
while
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student study far from their home they
sholud
Correct your spelling
struggle
 to conquer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as loneliness and depression. By using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 which have
a relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
show examples
 and chill
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 and Tiktok.
As a result
Linking Words
, in terms of
emotional
Replace the word
emotions
show examples
, students can
use
Use synonyms
 online media to decrease
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress after
separate far
Wrong verb form
separating
show examples
 from home. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is true to say that social media will offer some negative consequences, in
fact
Use synonyms
, I
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 believe
this
Linking Words
 trend will give a significantly larger number of positive outcomes.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Make sure to restate the question in your introduction to show the relevance of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical transitions between the ideas within paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. Using linking phrases can help guide the reader from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples that relate directly to your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clearer insights to the reader.
task achievement
You made a good attempt to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is important for a balanced essay.
task achievement
Your effort to include personal examples shows an understanding of how to make your writing relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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