IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There has been an increase in the number of children and youngsters committing crime. What are the reasons for this? What punishments should they receive?

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Nowadays, more children and young people are committing crimes. There are several reasons for
this
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.
First,
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some children do not get enough care from their families. If parents do not teach them right and wrong, they may follow bad friends. Second some children do not enjoy school and look for excitement in bad activities.
Third,
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poverty and lack of jobs can push young people into crime. For punishment, young offenders should not always go to jail.
Instead
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, they should the community service, like cleaning parks or helping old people. Schools and social workers should help them learn good behaviour. But if a young person commits a serious crime they should receive stronger punishment. To reduce youth crime families schools and society must work together.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, such as mentioning specific ways in which schools can engage with young people to prevent crime.
coherence and cohesion
Try to better connect your ideas between paragraphs for smoother flow. For instance, linking the reasons for youth crime with the proposed solutions could enhance coherence.
positive
The essay presents clear reasons for the increase in youth crime and suggests practical alternatives to imprisonment, reflecting good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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