IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Long distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses for many years and pollutes the air. Some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourists travel, rather than limit the use of cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is a contentious issue about how we should limit the consumption of fuel. Some say we should focus on unnecessary flights because they produce much more harmful substances than automobiles. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on
this
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 subject and explain why I strongly agree with
this
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 solution.
To begin
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 with, many rich
people
Use synonyms
 neglect the problem.
For instance
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, singers purchase private jets and
use
Use synonyms
 them constantly for both private usage and longer travels like concerts. The perfect example is Taylor Swift who is famous for using it even for very short distances.
Consequently
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, the few who are the richest create the problem for the whole society. I concur that, no matter how fortunate you are, you should always pay attention to the amount of air pollution you produce as an individual.
Secondly
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, more and more
people
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 choose to travel
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 rather than
ecological
Change the word
ecologically
show examples
. Plains allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
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 reach a target place faster and with less effort.
Therefore
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, many
people
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decides
Change the verb form
decide
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 to
use
Use synonyms
 air transport for non-essential purposes
such
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 as
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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. If they keep doing that, the amount of used fuel would be
significanly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 bigger than with using cars. I strongly believe we should set more regulations about flights
instead
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 of limiting the
use
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 of land vehicles.
To conclude
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, there is a belief that long-distance flights should be
scarced
Correct your spelling
scared
scarce
. If we
use
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 cars for
yeas
Correct your spelling
years
show examples
 only, we will a emit similar amount to one flight. I concur that as a protection for our planet, we should have laws that discourage
people
Use synonyms
 who can afford to destroy the environment
to stop
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the arguments for both limiting flights and car use, which would strengthen your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling errors (e.g., 'convenient' instead of 'convinient', 'significantly' instead of 'significanly') and grammatical issues to improve the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to include more specific statistics or studies to back your claims about pollution and fuel consumption, making your argument more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. A clearer link between the points and the thesis would enhance coherence.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear position throughout, and you effectively express your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You provide good examples, like the reference to Taylor Swift, which helps illustrate your points effectively.
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