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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some schools, teacher teach a foreign language to student of primary language to student of the introductory class. What are the advantages and disadvantages associated with this phenomenon? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is a tendency that in some schools,
students
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 are being taught
other
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another
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language
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 as their
first
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language
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. From my point of
view
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view,
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 I think the disadvantages are way more than
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I'm going to talk about the benefits and the drawbacks of
this
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 situation. Admittedly, using
other
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another language
other languages
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language
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 as their
first
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language
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 will help
students
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 quickly get involved in an
immerse
Replace the word
immersive
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 learning atmosphere. Under
this
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 situation,
students
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 who want to learn overseas can save time in learning
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language
Correct article usage
a language
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 so that they can spend time mainly on subjects or doing activities. Beyond that, children can
know
Verb problem
learn
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 more
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culture
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cultural
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 things about foreign countries. To be more specific, the priority of knowing another
culture
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 is to learn their
language
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. Even though learning
foreign
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a foreign
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lanuage
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language
 has its own
benefit
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benefits
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,
but
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apply
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I think there are serval reasons why the drawbacks have more bad impacts
to
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on
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students
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.
First
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 of all, studying
other
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another language
other languages
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language
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 as their primary
language
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 may make them not familiar with their mother
tounge
Correct your spelling
tongue
.
This
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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directly
influence
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influences
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 on understanding
their
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of their
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 own
culture
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.
For example
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, in some languages, words
has
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have
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special
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a special
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meaning
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meanings
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 which can not
be translate
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be translated
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by
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into
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other
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another language
other languages
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language
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. So, if children don't know their home
country
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country's
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language
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 they can not understand some words even
idoms
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idioms
items
 in their own
culture
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.
Secondly
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, The
weekness
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weakness
 in their own
language
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 makes them lose their identity in some
situation
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situations
show examples
.
In other words
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, people can not say they belong to a country but don't know the
language
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from
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of
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this
Linking Words
 country. In conclusion, learning a foreign
language
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 as
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Correct article usage
a students
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students
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students'
student's
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first
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language
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 has
benefit
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benefits
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to
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for
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students
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in
Change preposition
on
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 some
occasion
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occasions
show examples
. But
overall
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, losing one's
culture
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 has more disadvantages than the profits.

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Task Achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly outline the main points you will discuss. This will provide better guidance for the reader.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and structure. This will help improve the overall flow and coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar, as some errors can affect clarity. For example, 'lanuage' should be 'language', and 'serval' should be 'several'.
Task Achievement
You successfully addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of learning a foreign language as a first language. This shows a balanced perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your key points, reinforcing your viewpoint on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Cultural awareness
  • Inclusiveness
  • Empathy
  • Fluency
  • Pronunciation
  • Bilingual
  • Multilingual
  • Academic performance
  • Resource allocation
  • Overburdening
  • Inequality
  • Learning outcomes
  • Disparities
  • Logistical challenges
What to do next:
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