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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows the revenue from five industries in Togo in 2000 and projections for 2050 Summarise information by selecting and reporting their main features, and make comparisons were relevant

The pie chart below shows the revenue from five industries in Togo in 2000 and projections for 2050 Summarise information by selecting and reporting their main features, and make comparisons were relevant
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The pie charts compare the revenue generated by five industries in Togo
such
Linking Words
 as
Soft
Correct article usage
the Soft
show examples
 beverages
industry
Use synonyms
, Real
estate
Use synonyms
 development, Information services, Life insurance,
Use synonyms
Semiconductor
Correct word choice
and Semiconductor
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and projections
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2050. The total income is expected to increase from 97
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to 196
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
Semiconductor
Use synonyms
Industry
Use synonyms
 is projected to have the most significant growth and become the dominant
industry
Use synonyms
 in 2050.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Life insurance and information services range from 25 to 12
billion
Use synonyms
 to 10
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
. In 2000, the soft beverages
industry
Use synonyms
 was the largest contributor to revenue,
however
Linking Words
 in 2050 it will show
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 increase.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the Real
estate
Use synonyms
 sector will drop from 20
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 to 25 million
dollars
Use synonyms
. A major change is expected in the
Semiconductor
Use synonyms
Industry
Use synonyms
 and Real
estate
Use synonyms
 development. But the most considerable changes will be in the
Semiconductor
Use synonyms
Industry
Use synonyms
 by generating income from 15
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to 126
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2025.
While
Linking Words
 Real
estate
Use synonyms
 development will somewhat increase from 20
billion
Use synonyms
 to 25
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
. In summary, the
Semiconductor
Use synonyms
Industry
Use synonyms
 is projected to see the most significant growth,
while
Linking Words
 information services and life insurance will
be declined
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
. The total growth in the 5 Togo
industry
Use synonyms
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
double by 2050.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words industry, estate, semiconductor, billion, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
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