IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Increasingly, many young people are deciding to work or study in other countries. What are the causes of this phenomenon? Do you think it is a positive or negative situation?

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These days, the main trend among young generations is that they prefer to immigrate to other areas for studying or working.
This
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 essay discusses the main reasons for
this
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 fashion;
additionally
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, in my opinion, it is a negative situation owing to the fact that they are the best workforces for other countries not for their areas. The fact
that is
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 really important is that most of the youth emigrate to have access to the best institutions and have a good income. On the one hand, some areas have the best universities that have the highest number among others and they like to have access to higher education.
As a result
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, they migrate to these countries like the USA, the UK, and so on.
On the other hand
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, money in the new era is the most crucial factor, so people prefer to work for companies that have good facilities and create the highest lifestyle quality for them.
Therefore
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, they immigrate to other countries to have access to them.
This
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 trend is unfavourable inasmuch as when one country has more young people, they have a lot of employees that can develop the industries, increase their manufacturing,and have an economic impact.
In other words
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, immigration for work and education creates a situation for authorities to lose their workers and the populations who are growing the economy.
To sum up
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,
this
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 fashion is the consequence of bad education systems and fewer amenities and salaries for their work.
In addition
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, it impacts the cooperations's production and the economy.

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to support your points, which will enhance clarity and relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more fluidly to improve the overall coherence. For example, using transition phrases could help.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your introduction clearly outlines what your main points will be, giving the reader a clear sense of what to expect.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the topic, stating that you believe this trend is negative.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, with clear paragraphs addressing different facets of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Interconnected
  • Higher education
  • Prestigious institutions
  • Research facilities
  • Career advancement
  • International experience
  • Resume
  • Cultural exchange
  • Immerse
  • Broaden worldviews
  • Economic factors
  • Unemployment
  • Quality of life
  • Standards of living
  • Healthcare
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