IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays nations are becoming more interesting and developing better thanks to mixing of different nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With the rise of globalization in
comtemporary
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contemporary
 society, a variety of nationalities and
cultures
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 exist together. Whether
such
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mix
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a mix
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 of nationalities and
cultures
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 is beneficial to the communities has sparked much debate. From my point of view, I strongly agree that it contributes to nations' better development. I will explore
two
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 main reasons, emphasizing economic growth and new
culture
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. The primary reason is that an influx of foreigners from different countries contributes to
gather
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gathering
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 talented professionals in the job market, achieving
the
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apply
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better economic progress.
For example
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, immigrants from India are well-known as
hard working
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hard-working
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 IT experts in many developed countries. In many cases, their performances are better than local employees
,
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apply
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 and significantly contribute to the host countries' technological development. The UN article revealed that more than half of the engineers working
in
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at
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 Apple company in the US are immigrants from India.
Furthermore
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, being exposed to a number of
cultures
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 leads to the creation of new
cultures
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. When
two
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cultures
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 are met, there is a high possibility that a new
culture
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 is born.
For instance
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, Chinese cuisine entered Japan in
1800s
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the 1800s
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 and Japanese residents later created new dishes influenced by Chinese taste. The UNESCO research study indicates that the percentage of
two
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cultures
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 existing in one country creating another
culture
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 is more than 90%. It is obvious that a newly created
culture
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 is richer as it tends to take positive parts of
two
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 separate
cultures
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.
To sum up
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, the mix of different nationalities and
cultures
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 not only promotes economic progress through talented individuals
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 fosters a positive impact on the creation of interesting
cultures
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. The evidence supporting the talented experts from another country,
coupled with
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 the frequency of the
creatino
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creation
 of new
cultures
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, indicates that many nations experience interesting and better development.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your ideas in both body paragraphs. While your points are valid, providing more details or examples would enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that sentences link more naturally to improve flow. Some transitions between sentences could be smoother to provide better cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Add more variety in sentence structure to keep the reader engaged and to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
You have a clear and strong opinion throughout the essay, supporting your stance effectively.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the contributions of Indian engineers, provides solid support for your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical progression of ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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