IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? j2

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In today’s society,
artists
Use synonyms
 earn substantial amounts of
money
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 by organizing concerts or events. Meanwhile, some individuals believe that
others
Use synonyms
 must work exceptionally hard to earn the same level of
income
Use synonyms
. There is a debate about whether authorities should impose regulations to address
this
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 perceived inequality. I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion because
artists
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 are not responsible for
others
Use synonyms
’ salaries, and every individual should have the freedom to choose how they earn
money
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that singers and well-known
artists
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 do not earn large sums simply
due to
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 their fame. They receive
money
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 for their hard work, primarily from loyal fans who support them in various ways and do not regret it. The fact that they are popular and earn more than
others
Use synonyms
 does not imply that they are unfairly taking
money
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 that
others
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 deserve.
For instance
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, many
artists
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 dedicate their entire souls to their craft, working tirelessly over the years to achieve
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
success and earn the admiration of their supporters.
On the other hand
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, not all
artists
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 achieve the same level of fame and success. Non-
artists
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 may
also
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 earn significant
income
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 through different career paths, as they make decisions to build their careers and enhance their reputations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I would argue that the government has no right to intervene or reduce the earnings of individuals simply because they earn more than
others
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 who struggle to achieve similar financial success. If individuals who are not
artists
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 want to earn an equivalent
income
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, they must invest equal effort into their careers and personal growth. In conclusion, I believe that authorities should not intervene in
this
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 issue, as everyone is responsible for their career choices and the
income
Use synonyms
 they generate. It is essential to respect individual freedom in how people choose to earn their living.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument and support your main points more effectively.
coherence
Ensure that all paragraphs are clearly linked to each other for smoother transitions and a clearer progression of ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear position on the issue, establishing a strong foundation for your argument.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarises your main points and restates your position, providing a satisfying closure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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