IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

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The
subjects
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 that are taught at schools, either theoretical or practical, play an important role in students's lives.
While
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 certain people claim that academic lessons like chemistry are necessary to teach, I agree with those who believe that practical
subjects
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 like cooking are more essential. On one hand, supporters of theoretical studying claim that students become more knowledgeable by studying science. I concede that
although
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 by learning chemistry or physics students appear to be literate, they might not be able to use the formulas or special accounting in their real lives.
As a result
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, they feel hopeless.
For example
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, If a car were broken down, It would not be fixed by any math or physics formulas.
On the other hand
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, practical
subjects
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 have the majority of merits. Being an expert in how to do
instead
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 of knowing structures or ingredients, can be helpful
to solve
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in solving
show examples
 problems or at least prevent dangers.
For instance
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, a professional mechanic ,who has much information about how to fix a car, not only can repair the car, but
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
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 can suggest alternative ways to prevent danger or repeat it. I think providing the vast majority of chances to find a job would be the great positive points of teaching practical
subjects
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. In conclusion,
although
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 academic lessons are said to be more crucial to teach in schools, I wholeheartedly believe that practical
subjects
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 are more essential since they not only are used in real life, but
they
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apply
show examples
also
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 bring a plethora of opportunities to find an occupation.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines both viewpoints and states your opinion clearly, which is good. However, try to make the thesis statement a bit more concise and focused.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs for each main point. However, sometimes your ideas can be more tightly linked. Use more connective phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, but try to ensure they are as specific and illustrative as possible. This will strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary. This will help to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoints and reinforces your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-presented, giving your essay a strong start and finish.
task achievement
You successfully discuss both viewpoints, providing clear arguments and examples for each.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic subjects
  • practical subjects
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • holistic education
  • curriculum
  • real-life challenges
  • job opportunities
  • foundations
  • professions
  • balanced approach
  • job market
  • demand
  • derive benefit
  • preparation
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