IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents think that child care centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and girve your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The discussion of childcare is surely one that begs the question of exactly how it provides the best service for
children
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
due to
Linking Words
 educational reasons, supporting centres for
child
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 will be the most appropriate choice. One clear fact is that blood
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 members of a family which knows a lot about specific attributes of a minor. Take
for instance
Linking Words
 the youths are very safe when they are at a familiar place like home than
child
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
. To illustrate
further
Linking Words
, there is an article that shows that kids who are with their
grandparents
Use synonyms
 when their mothers are at work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are happier than the others.
Hence
Linking Words
, the chicks feel comfortable and don’t have any anxiety when they have an experience like
this
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a lot of them just connect with family members , not strangers.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey by The Times of India, 50% of the grandchildren like to spend time with their
grandparents
Use synonyms
.
Grandparents
Use synonyms
 do not suffer from loneliness and depression, which are extremely common at
this
Linking Words
 age.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the grandpapas don’t have the academic skills to raise the teenagers.
This
Linking Words
 can be understood when considering some of them behave toward
children
Use synonyms
 exactly in the way their parents get old ;
Therefore
Linking Words
 they just have experience about which of the ways are good and useful to
care
Use synonyms
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
Overall
Linking Words
, I still opine that participating in a
child
Use synonyms
 centre is necessary for every kid because they grow up with other juveniles and they learn how to treat others. Another reason comes from the fact that many professional teachers have seen too many kids and know how to communicate with them and know their next step.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, they are not kinder than the family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
.A study found that
grandparents
Use synonyms
 are very old, so that’s why they do not provide adequate Educational and social skills to their
children
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
, way studies suggest that
Use synonyms
child
Correct your spelling
childcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 centres are best.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both sides present strong arguments;
However
Linking Words
, parents are better to putting their youngsters in minor
care
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of the old
grandparents
Use synonyms
. parents should find out the best centre for their
children
Use synonyms
 .the are some measures that are different from one family to the others.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction is clear but could better define the topic and present both sides of the argument more explicitly. Strengthening the thesis statement would help guide the reader throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical structure. Use transition words to connect your ideas smoothly. Each argument should be expanded and fully developed to provide clarity.
task response
Some expressions are unclear and may cause confusion for the reader. For example, the phrase 'blood are members of a family' seems to be a misstatement. Consider rephrasing for better clarity and using more precise vocabulary throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your opinion on the child care centres is clearly stated, which provides a strong foundation for your argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have provided some relevant examples and statistics, such as those from The Times of India, which strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured learning
  • socialization opportunities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • independence
  • professional caregivers
  • child development
  • stimulating environment
  • emotional security
  • cognitive growth
  • nurturing environment
  • stressful
  • familiar environment
  • family bonds
  • flexible arrangements
  • balanced family life
  • individualized attention
  • emotional development
  • comfort
What to do next:
Look at other essays: