IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The
government
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 should invest more financially to
support
Use synonyms
 the
artists
Use synonyms
 in the
country
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 which has been a crucial topic recently. Some people believe that
this
Linking Words
 should be a part of the
government
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 investment
while
Linking Words
 others think that they should rely on alternative sources of funding. The following paragraph will present both perspectives.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
support
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 from the
government
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 to the group of
artists
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such
Linking Words
 as musicians and painters should
be
Verb problem
play
show examples
 a pivotal role
to enhance
Change preposition
in enhancing
show examples
 the capability to create good
Use synonyms
art works
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
. There should not be a financial issue to stop them. If the
government
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 invests in
this
Linking Words
 group of people, they should be able to produce some creativity which can stimulate the economy through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
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 tourism.
For example
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, the painters can create artworks which can be exhibited in the
art
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 gallery to represent the
country
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.
While
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 the musician can develop their
music
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 and create
music
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 festivals which can attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists to visit the
country
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
support
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 to the
artists
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 should not be the main priority
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
government
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 as there are some other sectors the
country
Use synonyms
 should focus on
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and education. Investing in the
artists
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 might not make any significant impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
country
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.
In addition
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, the
government
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 might have a limit on how the
artists
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 will create the arts and freedom to express creativity.
Moreover
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, these funds to
support
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 the artist should be handled by the private sector;
music
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 companies
for instance
Linking Words
. Their main focus is dedicated to the
artists
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 and
music
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 industry specifically and know how to improve them. In conclusion, even though public funding
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 should not be a priority
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, they should allocate some financial
support
Use synonyms
 to these groups of people to stimulate
art
Use synonyms
 tourism . In the meantime, the private sector should
also
Linking Words
 be a part
to
Change preposition
of supporting
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 the
artists
Use synonyms
 when necessary.

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task achievement
Make sure your thesis statement clearly presents your opinion and main points. This will guide the reader better.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided. For instance, elaborate on how art tourism benefits the economy or give specific examples of how private funding can support artists.
task achievement
You've successfully presented both views in a balanced manner, which is key to the argument structure.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a clear framework for your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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