IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In today's world increasing number of people with
health
Use synonyms
 problems are offering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new medicines and treatments rather than visiting their doctor. I agree that
this
Linking Words
 previous issue leads to many disadvantages results.I will discuss both cons and prose
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 with multiple
evidence
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of evidence
show examples
 related to. On the one hand, there are several beneficial results
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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coming into the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 new style of
invent
Wrong verb form
inventing
show examples
 medical sources for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 there are many practices
allow
Correct pronoun usage
that allow
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 the doctor in the hospital to
dedicating
Wrong verb form
dedicate
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with
Change preposition
to
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 new situations
on
Change preposition
to
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 natural medicine
such
Linking Words
 as heart and cancer disease. I remembered my mother when she went to a clinic quickly after she saw unusual spots appearing on her face.
Thus
Linking Words
, she ensured
about
Change preposition
apply
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her body
health
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a lot of negative impacts will
affect
Verb problem
be
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 directly when the government create new procedures
of
Change preposition
for
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 medical
health
Use synonyms
recently
Rephrase
apply
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. So much money will
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
 on
health
Use synonyms
 research by the government in order to know the methodology of
this
Linking Words
 medication. So the people in
this
Linking Words
 case will go to the hospital to
testing
Wrong verb form
test
show examples
 their blood every month or week. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nurses and doctors need to study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new
patterence
Correct your spelling
patterns
 to
dealing
Wrong verb form
deal
show examples
 with
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of medical medicines
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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required
Wrong verb form
require
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 after they
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, hospitals will spend long years through that operation.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 a period of
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
 was continuing many intervals to know updating
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of medicines to
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 of
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the highest cost
allocated
Add a missing verb
is allocated
show examples
 for medicine and planning of treatment. In conclusion, despite the positive influence
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
medicine
Replace the word
medical
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health
Use synonyms
 services,
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative attitudes will come. I totally agree that negative results will be more than positive
response
Fix the agreement mistake
responses
show examples
.

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Task Response
Make sure to provide a clearer introduction that outlines your argument in a structured way. Summarizing the main points you plan to discuss can help guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check sentence structures and make sure the grammar is used correctly to improve clarity. For instance, replacing phrases or clauses that are not properly constructed will enhance the overall flow of your writing.
Task Response
Try to offer more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. General statements can weaken the overall impact of your essay, so ensuring that you provide clear evidence will strengthen your argument.
Content
You show awareness of both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of essay. It demonstrates critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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