IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work with a company or organization. What might be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self employed?

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In
this
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 contemporary world, everything has changed. Many believe that freelance is a gift,
while
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 the other argue that working for corporations has its own value. In
this
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 essay, I will point out the problems and address the disadvantages of
this
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 theory.
Initially
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, inflation is high and employees don’t get paid enough.
Although
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this
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 is a good way to start your career and find a place to gain experience, one salary doesn’t help you to meet all your needs. The other reason is working as part of an organization is stressful, so for a small amount of money, it doesn’t worse it to limit yourself.
On the other hand
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, some people’s efficiencies are directly connected to the frames that they are under.
For example
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, from a survey which was placed by Google Company in 2018, 80% of the staff assured the fact that they are working better in office places with all the company’s restrictions. When you work as a self-employed there is no one to help you. When you first enter an office, they are responsible someone for teaching what the new staff have to do because you are just like an infant who wants to walk for the very first time and needs support.
To sum up
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, there are both benefits and drawbacks to working from home or a fraction of a whole, but with the consideration of income and quality of life, it is just more logical to work remotely.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in stating your thesis and previewing the main points. Consider rephrasing to make your argument more specific.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea that connects directly to your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by reflecting on the discussions and providing a final thought or suggestion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your claims, especially regarding the disadvantages of self-employment.
task achievement
You have highlighted both sides of the argument, showing your ability to consider different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your use of transitions is mostly effective, helping the reader to follow your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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