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Writing Samples
Band 7

According to those in the travel business, the nature of the average 'holiday' is changing. Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far-away place, people now want exitement on their holidays and are keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities.

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Compared to the past,
people
Use synonyms
 have different tastes of holiday nowadays. They prefer doing some particular yet intense
activities
Use synonyms
 rather than just relaxing in the open air. I strongly agree that there is a natural change in
people
Use synonyms
's holiday patterns. A
further
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 explanation will be presented in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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,
people
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 in the past only had limited choices when it came to holidays because the publicity of tourism spots was not as much as present time and social media had not developed at that time. So, they chose to have a vacation in the most practical and realistic way.
For example
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, hiking in the fresh air.
Although
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 hiking is still popular these days, it used to be more viral in the past.
People
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 who did not like to climb were opting for a hike as an alternative since they still experienced a similar relaxing break. Day by day, as technology gets more advanced,
instead
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 of being trapped in old habits, the communities are willing to seek other thrilling yet adventurous
activities
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.
Moreover
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, they like to join the trends. So, they like to find some recommendations for places or
activities
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 to do on their social media.
For instance
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, the new activity they can do based on the recommendation is diving. It gives both relaxing and challenging vibes to those who want to try it on. Diving is not only available for
people
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 who can swim but those who can not swim are
also
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 able to do that since there will be a guide to teach them under the sea. In conclusion, there is a shift in
people
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's holiday preferences. One of the reasons for
this
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 is the widespread use of social media so that hidden spots or
activities
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 are easy to find.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay in terms of coherence and cohesion, consider creating more fluid connections between paragraphs and sentences. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help the flow of ideas, making sure that each paragraph naturally leads to the next.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you provide some examples, strive for a more balanced discussion that thoroughly explores the reasons behind the shift in holiday preferences and its implications.
coherence cohesion
To elevate the logical structure, it's beneficial to plan your essay carefully before writing. Make sure there is a clear introduction, body paragraphs with distinct main ideas supported by examples, and a concise conclusion that summarizes your key points.
task achievement
For a stronger task response, it’s important to extend your examples to show a deeper understanding of the topic. Discuss not only what the examples are, but also why they are significant and how they support your argument. This depth will show comprehensive insight into the subject matter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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