IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encourage. others belive that children who are thought to co-operate rather than compite ) become more usefull adults. Discuss both there views give your opinion. give reason for answers and include any relevent examples from you own knowledge or experiance.

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Some people think that it is crucial to encourage
children
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 to compete,
while
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 others state that learning how to cooperate should be encouraged. From my point of view, I strongly believe that having a sense of
competition
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 is more important. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both views, emphasizing that the importance of
competition
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 outweighs the one of cooperation.
To begin
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 with, a sense of
competition
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 enhances
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children to get
Verb problem
children's
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motivated
Replace the word
motivation
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. When
students
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 compete over their test scores,
students
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 most likely study hard.
Consequently
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, preparing competing settings contributes to bringing better results.
For example
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, the average score
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the final exams for private
universities
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are
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is
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 better than that of public
universities
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.
Students
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 in public
universities
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 are often assigned group
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
while
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students
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 from private
universities
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 tend to
work
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 individually and compete.
As a result
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, more
students
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 in private institutions submit
better quality
Add a hyphen
better-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
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. Meanwhile, encouraging
children
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 to cooperate has multiple advantages. One notable benefit is
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 development of
children
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. Through working in teams, people can develop many
skills
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such
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 as communication
skills
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 and problem-solving
skills
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.
For example
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,
students
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 who are assigned to
work
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 in groups need to communicate with others more compared to those who
work
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 independently, because people often have different opinions.
Therefore
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, they develop their communication
skills
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 through group discussions and joint preparations.
To sum up
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, both
competition
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 and cooperation have benefits.
However
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, the advantage of motivation generated from
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 is paramount.
This
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 is why I agree that
children
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 should be encouraged to compete.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer definition of competition and cooperation in your introduction to set the framework for your arguments.
task achievement
Try to enhance your supporting points with more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between your ideas to enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both views and expressed your opinion, which is vital for this type of task.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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