IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that charity organisations should help people wherever they live, others thinks they should attend their countries only. Discuss both and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that charity associations aid their own country,
in contrast
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, some
people
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 believe that these organizations must have a policy of global help. It is easy to access
people
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 who need help from these charities,
on the other hand
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 helping
community
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the community
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 is a global mission for humanity purposes. I strongly advocate that assisting local
people
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 is more beneficial and applicable.
Firstly
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, it is important to highlight many
people
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 need assistance all around the world, even if it is a challenging problem to reach everyone, it is a global mission. Countries have different wealth statuses so their availabilities vary. We can witness global development if individuals share their resources with others. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in Africa, there are many
people
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 who are needless, if they receive any help they would step to another era. On the one hand, there are many contexts to consider
while
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 helping
people
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, charities should evaluate not only the amount of help but
also
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 they should care about the accessibility of help. The reason behind
this
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 proposal is that if the location is easy to reach
then
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 volunteers can help way better
,
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apply
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 because they could share the money
instead
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 of spending on transportation. A recent study indicates that in recent decades associations spent 50 million dollars only on transportation.
This
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 could be easily redirected to needless individuals. All in all, it is significant to help everyone in the world,
however
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, it is an unfeasible faith for now.
Therefore
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, aid communities should handle their own locations before disseminating them across the world.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your arguments are balanced; while you presented your viewpoint, more detail on the opposing view could enhance your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer transitions in your paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'On the one hand' could be more varied to avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more precise examples or statistics to support your arguments better, which would make your points more convincing.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, which sets a strong foundation for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay addresses important points regarding the accessibility of help, showcasing critical thinking on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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