IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Bristol University in1928, 1958 and 2008

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The table describes those who joined Bristol University to study in 1928, 1958 and 2008.Via giving information about the numbers of new individuals, and the percentages of the male and female,
In addition
Linking Words
 to where they attended from.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was an obvious increase in the number of new students.
Besides
Linking Words
 a rise in the proportion of overseas individuals. In terms of 1928, there were 218 new educates, 42
precentor
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per cent
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 of them were females,
whereas
Linking Words
male
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males
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 accounted
58
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for 58
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%. Half of those students came from within 30
mile
Change to a plural noun
miles
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Bristol
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of Bristol
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.
While
Linking Words
 the overseas represented only 5% from merely 3 countries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , in 1958 the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of new students jumped to 1046, most of them were males, and only 14% of them were local ,
likewise
Linking Words
, the overseas were 6% , but from 27 different nations.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2008 there was a dramatic ascend in the number of new trainees, by 6377. And there were
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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almost equal proportions of both genders.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the fact that 28% of them
were came
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came
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 from 98 countries.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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