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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that it is the parents who have to make children good citizens of society while others believe this should be done at school. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Taking care of
children
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 is one of the most important things for parents to raise them to be proper citizens of society,
while
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 some people argue that it is the responsibility of schools to shape their
children
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instead
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.
This
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 essay will delve deep down into both perspectives and include my own experiences. Family is the first station for young boys and girls to be raised and taught the basic things that they should know before going out to meet new strangers in the classroom. Lacking a good family education since they are young can harm their personality and habits, which leads to being unable to adapt to people outside;
for example
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, in my classroom, there will always be a person who is bad at adapting to everyone else because they show some traits that others might find them hard to approach and unpleasant. They will keep isolating themselves and not talking to or playing with friends, which leads to shaping them to enter into a terrible environment without any guidance.
On the other hand
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, schools play a crucial role in shaping their
children
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's personalities by instilling discipline, teamwork, and moral values through various extracurricular activities. Getting
children
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 to practice communicating effectively and respecting each other in diverse cultures and perspectives.
For instance
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, there was a classmate who had moved to my
school
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 in the middle of a semester. At
first,
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he often ignored and violated the
school
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 laws, and he found it
was
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apply
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difficult to get
along with
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 others.
However
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, with the help of supportive teachers and
school
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 programs, he gradually learned the importance of respect and responsibility. He improved his social skills and became more cooperative in all semesters. In conclusion, raising a child to be a good citizen is
a
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the
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 responsibility of their parents and
a
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the
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school
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. The family lays the basis of moral values and basic social skills,
while
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school
Add an article
the school
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 provides
the
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apply
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structure, social exposure, and education. The balance between families and schools is essential for shaping the next good generations.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate further on your personal experiences; this could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance flow.
task achievement
Consider providing a clearer definition of what you mean by 'good citizens' to clarify your argument.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view of both perspectives effectively.
content
You have used relevant personal examples that make your arguments relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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