IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries unemployment is high, so some people think that children should only go to primary school and not to secondary school because, they will not be able to find jobs in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
Change preposition
In some
show examples
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world employment rate is significantly low, which leads
people
Use synonyms
 to argue
high
Correct word choice
that higher
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary, so they do not believe that children should continue
Use synonyms
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
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 after primary school since unemployment is inevitable. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because
education
Use synonyms
 is one of the major factors
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
directly related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 unemployment.
In addition
Linking Words
, high literacy rates increase
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
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 towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrialization. On the one hand, institutions help
people
Use synonyms
 to acquire many
job
Use synonyms
 skills,
such
Linking Words
 as engineering and medicine. Many jobs can not be learned by inheritance from the master.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, schools
stands
Change the verb form
stand
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 out with the highest necessity among other organizations. There are many professionals allocated to these schools, so
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can easily learn useful skills to earn money. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in Canada, the Canadian teenagers are attending colleges to get a high paid jobs, since statistics indicate that college graduates earn 52%
higher
Correct word choice
more
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 than non-graduate
people
Use synonyms
. Employers are prioritizing college graduates to employ, because they trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their universities that professors fully
expressed
Wrong verb form
express
show examples
 their knowledge to students.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, high
education
Use synonyms
 raises literacy rates which usually
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
profound
Change preposition
to profound
show examples
 industrialization. The reason behind
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 proposal is that industries can be conducted by educated entrepreneurs. To have more intelligent entrepreneurs
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
depends on the
education
Use synonyms
 system. By introducing new industries with knowledgeable managers, cities could have more
job
Use synonyms
 availabilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Antalya, which was a small city in Turkey, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 no more than
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
 of local markets as a
job
Use synonyms
 opportunity,
however
Linking Words
,
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
several companies invested intelligently
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Antalya. Almost every citizen got a
job
Use synonyms
 with at least double of minimum wage. All in all,
although
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is unimportant, it is one of the key bullet points to
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
 employment rate.
Education
Use synonyms
 is not only supporting
people
Use synonyms
 to learn new skills but
also
Linking Words
 enhancing industrialization which leads
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction to enhance focus.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
Provide specific examples directly related to your main points.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear stance in the argument.
task achievement
The use of examples from Canada and Antalya effectively supports your argument regarding education and employment.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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