IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old-fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. Use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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Some people think, that having only
one
Use synonyms
career
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 is becoming
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 old-fashioned
one
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, and having several careers is becoming a way
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 life.
Hovewer
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However
,
this
Linking Words
 new way of life
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 several
advanteges
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advantages
 and
disadvanteges
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disadvantages
. First of all, the biggest advantage of having several careers or ways of earning money
equals
Verb problem
is
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 more money income.
Also
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, there is always an occupation for your
time
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, it means that you always have something to do, something to participate in.
Additionally
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, if you have several careers - you can "evolve" professionally in both or even more professional spheres, becoming a desirable specialist in all companies.
For example
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, a few months ago a friend of mine, Alexander was
offerred
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offered
 with a great proposition.
One
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 world-wide known
companie
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companies
company
 proposed him a high-tier management position, as Alexander was known as
wonderful
Add an article
a wonderful
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 software engineer and, what is funny to me, human
resouces
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resources
resource
 management.
However
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, there are some serious disadvantages of having more
that
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than
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one
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career
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.
Firstly
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, even having a single
career
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 can be pretty
time
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-consuming. You can have
absolute
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absolutely
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 zero free
time
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 working on
one
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job
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 only. It means less
time
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 to spend with your family,
your
Correct word choice
and your
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 friends, and
also
Linking Words
 less
time
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 for your own hobbies.
Secondly
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, an old
addage
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adage
 says : "You cannot sit on both chairs at the same
time
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". For
examle
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example
, you cannot be really great at
expiremental
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experimental
 physics and mineral chemistry at the same
time
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, because to be a professional in even
one
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these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
 - you have to spend lots and lots of
time
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.
This
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 means, that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
splitting your
time
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half between more than
one
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career
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 can lead to worse results, than focusing on a single
one
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. To summarize,
yet
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apply
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somebody
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some
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thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that having a single
career
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 is becoming an old-fashioned
one
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,
personally
Add a comma
personally,
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 I think that having that having a single well-paid
job
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 can minimize
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of having more
that
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than
show examples
one
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job
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, and maximize having more
that
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than
show examples
one
Use synonyms
job
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 making having more
that
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than
show examples
one
Use synonyms
jon
Correct your spelling
job
 irrelevant.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Revise sentence structures to improve clarity and fluidity. Avoid overly complex sentences that could confuse readers.
task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your opinion on the topic, and outline the main points you intend to discuss.
task achievement
Expand on examples to make them more relevant and illustrative of your points.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of multiple careers, which shows critical thinking.
task achievement
The use of personal experience and examples, like that of Alexander, adds authenticity to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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