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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that technology is now an invaluable study tool for young people. Others, however, believe that it is harmful for the studying process. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In today's digital age, there is ongoing debate about whether
technology
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 enhances or hinders students' learning experiences.
While
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 some believe it is an indispensable educational tool, others argue that it can negatively affect academic performance. In my view,
technology
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 plays a crucial role in education, provided that it is used wisely. On the one hand,
technology
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 offers numerous advantages for learning.
Firstly
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, most students today own at least one personal device,
such
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 as a smartphone, laptop, or tablet, enabling constant access to the Internet.
This
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 allows them to explore an unlimited range of educational resources, from academic articles to online courses.
Additionally
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, E-learning
platforms
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 have revolutionized education, providing a diverse selection of courses on various subjects. These
platforms
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 allow learners to acquire new knowledge, develop technical skills, and improve their career prospects.
On the other hand
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, some argue that
technology
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 can be detrimental to the study process. One major concern is the widespread use of social media
platforms
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such
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 as Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok.
Although
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 these
platforms
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 were originally designed for communication and entertainment, many young people become addicted to them, leading to reduced concentration and lower academic performance.
Furthermore
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, excessive use of digital devices can result in health issues
such
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 as eye strain, poor posture, sleep disturbances, and weakened social relationships
due to
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 a lack of face-to-face interaction. In conclusion,
while
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technology
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 provides students with unparalleled access to information and learning opportunities, over-reliance on it can lead to serious distractions and health problems.
Therefore
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, I believe that
technology
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 should be used responsibly and in moderation to maximize its educational benefits.

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task achievement
Enhance your introduction by briefly summarizing both views before stating your opinion to provide clarity.
task achievement
Try to further develop your examples by providing specific case studies or statistics to reinforce your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Moreover') to improve the connection between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the conclusion succinctly reinforces your position while summarizing key points discussed for stronger impact.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Strong use of topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments and maintain clarity.
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