Nowadays, a growing number of people;e with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatment instead of vising their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In recent decades a big proportion of society
prefer
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prefers
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to get
an advice
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advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
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from
alternative
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treatment experts rather than professional doctors. I strongly advocate that
this
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is an unacceptable attitude for
this
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contemporary world. People who are conducting
alternative
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medicine
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applications are not well-educated so they may take the
problem
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worse with wrong
implications
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.
In addition
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, not only wrong
implications
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but
also
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they are not adopting their techniques to the altering diseases. On the one hand, they are not evaluating problems
with
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on
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basis
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a basis
the basis
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of science, so it is very common that these fake doctors are doing false
implications
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which
cause
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causes
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the
problem
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to get worse.
Thus
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, they endanger humans' lives with useless applications. A clear example of
this
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can be seen in a local newspaper article featuring a kid who almost lost his life
due to
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wrong
implications
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. He was suffering from
a
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apply
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heart pain, as it is well-known that there might be several reasons,
such
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as a real heart
problem
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, a vein
problem
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or it can be the result of something he ate.
Although
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his
problem
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was a result of overdrinking the soda,
traditional
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a traditional
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treatment
expert
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experts
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decided to apply a heart-pumping technique which almost
cause
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caused
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kid
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the kid
a kid
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to die.
On the other hand
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, conventional treatments are not very effective against current diseases, since microbes evolved themselves to adapt to the environment.
In contrast
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, in real
medicine
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, scientists are working
on
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in
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their laboratories to find a reliable solution to these health concerns.
While
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alternative
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medicine
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standing
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stands
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static,
the
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apply
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real
medicine
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keeps improving.
For instance
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, one of the most collapsing viruses was COVID-19 in the
last
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100 years. The relief of
this
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problem
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comes from the real health institutions, not from the
alternative
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medicine
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offices. So, it is very crystal clear that humanity owes its survival to
the
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apply
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science. In conclusion,
alternative
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medicine
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lacks scientific credibility and fails to adapt to evolving diseases.
Therefore
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, relying on scientifically proven treatments is the only viable approach to safeguarding human health.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more nuanced discussion of alternative medicine, addressing some potential benefits or contexts where it may be appropriate, before asserting it as entirely negative.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clarify and explain the implications of your examples and points more clearly to enhance understanding for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your points are well-organized and linked logically to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your argument against alternative medicine is strong and passionate, which adds credibility to your position.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the case of the child, adds depth to your argument and engages the reader.
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