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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that hard work will always bring financial sucess. Others say that hard word work is nt enough and that other things are also needed for financial success. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In today's era of competitive world, financial stability is crucial, and people have different views on how it can be achieved. Few individuals opine that hard
work
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in financial success
while
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 others contend that there are other factors which are required to fulfil monetary goals. The following paragraphs will shed light on both perspectives
along with
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 my own viewpoint. On the one hand ,it is believed that dedication and perseverance can help individuals to excel in their professions.With consistent efforts ,one can develop numerous skills and gain experience which ultimately contributes to the promotion at the workplace .Take the example of me,at the beginning of my career ,my starting salary was nearly about 20 k and
then
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 with years of hard
work
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 and experience , after climbing the professional ladder ,the wage gradually increased to 2 lacs per month .
On the other hand
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,people state that other key factors like education ,social connections and financial assistance lead to financial success.
For instance
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 ,children with affluent backgrounds can have access to
market
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 connections and financial investments from their parents to do startups and perform well in them .
In addition
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 to
this
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 ,economic conditions and
market
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 demand
also
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 play a significant role in it.
For example
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,during a recession ,diligent worker strives hard for
work
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 opportunities but are not able to get them as the
market
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 is not stable . In conclusion , in my view ,hard
work
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 plays a vital role in attaining monetary success but it should be complemented by other factors,
such
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 as education,
market
Use synonyms
 demand,financial assistance and social connections.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas in the paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion.
content
Your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and different perspectives on financial success.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial success
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • perseverance
  • obstacles
  • skills development
  • experience
  • entrepreneur
  • work ethic
  • affluent background
  • education
  • social connections
  • market opportunities
  • external circumstances
  • economic conditions
  • technological advancements
  • context
  • strategic planning
  • adaptability
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