IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all the shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree.

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Electronic shopping has become
the
Correct article usage
a
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 boon for society not
because
Rephrase
only because
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 it is less
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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 but
also
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it
Correct word choice
because it
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 is more
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
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 and efficient. In today's modern world
the
Correct article usage
apply
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e-shopping is a blessing for society but
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 it is a disaster for local
shops
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 and I completely agree with the statement.
To begin
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 with the potential outcomes of online shopping.
The first
Correct article usage
First
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 and foremost is that
the
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apply
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electronic shopping is convenient and fastest way. It only takes a second to choose the
product
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. The biggest example is Amazon. With only
one
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cllick
Correct your spelling
click
 a person can buy anything and around the world.
People
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 do not have to hustle around
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
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store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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 to look for a
product
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.
Secondly
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, with the advent of
technology
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technology,
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people
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 have wider choices in order to select a
product
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. Individuals can look deep into
online
Add an article
the online
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 market and select the best material by comparing the price, quality and design of the
product
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.
This
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 benefit of e-shopping is missing in the
door to door
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door-to-door
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 shopping because
in
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apply
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visiting the
shops
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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takes a lot of time and is hectic as well. Another merit of online shopping is that
the
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apply
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people
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 cannot compare the brands with
one
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 another
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
shops
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 are designed for a specific purpose so
one
Use synonyms
 has to visit multiple stores in order to complete
one
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outift
Correct your spelling
outfit
but
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apply
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on
the
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apply
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contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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people
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 can buy stuff from
one
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 platform and can get
delievered
Correct your spelling
delivered
 at the
door step
Correct your spelling
doorstep
show examples
. It not only saves
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time but
also
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 makes the person stress-free. The easy return policy adds glory to the store. In my opinion, online shopping will definitely
one
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 day
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
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lead to
closure
Add an article
the closure
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 of
shops
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 in towns because the advantages of
electronic
Add an article
the electronic
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shop
Replace the word
shopping
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 are much more and are more useful for
Add an article
the consumer
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consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a more detailed conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance on the topic. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide specific examples to support your arguments more clearly, for instance mentioning other online shopping platforms or specific advantages and challenges faced by local shops due to e-shopping.
grammar and language use
Be mindful of grammar and spelling errors. Words like 'affective' should be 'effective', and 'delievered' should be 'delivered'. This can distract the reader and reduce the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion and provided several reasons to support it, which shows a solid understanding of task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the readability of your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
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