IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with educational degrees. Therefore, the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals while they are in prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Research shows that educating
criminals
Use synonyms
 may reduce the rate of crime in society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore
this
Linking Words
 idea why I totally agree with it and how the
education
Use synonyms
 system can impact the lives of
criminals
Use synonyms
. First of all,
education
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 is the best way to
change
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
's thinking and their attitude towards
life
Use synonyms
 and
people
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.
And educating
Correct word choice
Educating
show examples
criminals
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 can be
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the best ways to influence their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
change
Use synonyms
 their
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. Because many
people
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 who commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not have
such
Linking Words
 an opportunity in the past and it affects their choices and direction in
life
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.
Education
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 may show them a new world and
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
show examples
 chance to choose
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 job.
Education
Use synonyms
 helps them to improve their social and communication skills, which have a positive impact on their future
life
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
education
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 is not
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 solution to
this
Linking Words
 serious problem. Because government may provide
criminals
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 with a high level of
education
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, but they may not want to
change
Use synonyms
 their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and thinking. And it can become a serious issue for society and their family members. they may face problems communicating with
people
Use synonyms
 outside and some problems with finding jobs. So,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should have several solutions for
this
Linking Words
 and provide
criminals
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 with psychological support. And government should create
a new workplaces
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new workplace
new workplaces
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who were released from prison and help them to adapt
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society. In conclusion, I explained why educating
criminals
Use synonyms
 has many advantages for them and it gives them the opportunity to
change
Use synonyms
 their future lives. 23

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples of educational programs that have successfully rehabilitated criminals.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between your ideas by using varied linking words and phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to use a more formal tone and avoid informal expressions to meet academic writing standards.
task achievement
Strengthen the arguments in your second paragraph by discussing the potential benefits of education more deeply.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, showing the writer's agreement on the importance of education in reducing crime.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction provides a concise overview of the essay's main argument and lays a solid foundation for further discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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