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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that volunteering has to be an essential course provided by the school. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement, as I believe that school play a crucial role in preparing individuals to be good members of their societies, especially among teenagers and the youngest.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, it is widely recognized that joining to volunteering camping can boost the sense of responsibility towards society.
In other words
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, unpaid
community
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 service can give the students a chance to understand the importance of
community
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 contribution.
This
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 is because
volunteer
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work
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 develops the spirit of giving.
For example
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,
according to
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 a recent study by Sultan Qaboos University, approximately 45% of students who participated in cleaning charities or governmental buildings had the highest level of sense of responsibility.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
it is clear that
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volunteer
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 can improve social skills. A key reason for
this
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 is giving the chance to develop leadership skills, communication, teamwork and a sense of
community
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.
For instance
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, if a person would like to teach, they have to enhance their ability to communicate with others, as it is important to their future.
In addition
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,
according to
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 statistics, almost 1000 hours of
volunteer
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work
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 can lead to mastery in developing a personality.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that unpaid
community
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 service, as it is known as
volunteer
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work
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 has to take a serious part in schooling programmers because of its positive impact on both individuals and societies. I fully encourage consider volunteering as a compulsory course in schools, especially among secondary schools.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the importance of community service in society and how that could benefit teenagers specifically.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to refine sentence structures for smoother reading; for example, phrases like 'joining to volunteering camping' could be clarified.
task achievement
Provide a bit more depth in your examples, perhaps by explaining how the statistics you mentioned impact the community overall.
structure
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
content
You effectively express your opinion on the importance of community service in education.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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