IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many children today are overweight and very unhealthy. This can lead to serious health problems. Give the reasons for this problem and give the solutions to solve this.

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In
Correct your spelling
today
todays
Add a comma
todays,
show examples
 the world changes and life is more complicated. In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 few
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 many
children
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 overweight and their health is bad.
This
Linking Words
esay
Correct your spelling
essay
 will
explane
Correct your spelling
explain
 the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem and
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 some solutions. There are many factors
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
obesity
Use synonyms
. First of all,
kind
Correct article usage
the kind
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 chosen by
parents
Use synonyms
 for
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 kids
esbecialy
Correct your spelling
especially
 fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Food
Use synonyms
 with high calories and low
proten
Correct your spelling
protein
 is
also
Linking Words
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 and it is not
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
.Farther
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
that kind of
food
Use synonyms
 leads to
obesity
Use synonyms
. Processed
food
Use synonyms
 and candy
weakenes
Correct your spelling
weaken
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 health of
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad habits
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. They do not play
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoors
show examples
 as much as they play
vedio
Correct your spelling
video
 games. They
speend
Correct your spelling
spend
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time without movement
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of T.V and watching
youtupe
Correct your spelling
youtube
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 do not care very well about their
children
Use synonyms
's needs. They only care about what their child
wonts
Correct your spelling
wants
show examples
. Lack of knowledge about the
helth
Correct your spelling
health
 is the main
issue
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to solve
helth
Correct your spelling
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 have to give their
children
Use synonyms
 limited time for video games
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
watching
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
 or any activity without
movemint
Correct your spelling
movement
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 must encourage their child to play
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
 and
finally
Linking Words
, it is important that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 solves
this
Linking Words
issue
Use synonyms
 by its institutions.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 school is the largest institution that can be
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. Teachers must
be care
Change the verb form
care
show examples
 about the
heth
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 of students. They can
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
 some daily activity that helps students to keep
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fit. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
concloution
Add a comma
concloution,
show examples
it is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 is a huge
issue
Use synonyms
 but there are a several
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that.

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language
Consider using more varied vocabulary and ensuring proper spelling, such as 'today's,' 'especially,' 'healthy,' 'choice,' 'furthermore,' and 'government.'
structure
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and includes supporting details with appropriate transitions to improve flow.
task response
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your points about obesity and potential solutions.
content
The introduction clearly outlines the problem and intention of the essay. It sets a good tone for discussing causes and solutions.
content
You identify several relevant factors contributing to obesity and propose solutions involving both parents and government action.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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