IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many companies use popular sports events to promote their products. Some people think it promotes sports in a positive way while others think that it has a negative effect on sports. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Promoting products on
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 level like
on
Change preposition
at
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 sports events and festivals is very
popolular
Correct your spelling
popular
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
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. Many individuals support that
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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 way of getting more business
while
Linking Words
 others oppose that it has
bad
Add an article
a bad
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 impact on games. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss both views and
also
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will give my own point of view in the end.

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task achievement
The introduction sets the stage for the essay, but it would benefit from clearer definitions of the two views. Clearly stating the topic and rephrasing the prompt can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. This will strengthen your overall argument and provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly. This will improve the flow and coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed and clearly states your own opinion to ensure a complete response.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both perspectives, which is essential for task completion and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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