IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 is the best way to bring
people
Use synonyms
 together.
For example
Linking Words
, no matter how young or old we are,
music
Use synonyms
 evokes
such
Linking Words
 a positive vibe.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I often listen to therapeutic
songs
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 I am going to sleep. To start with, I strongly agree with the idea that
music
Use synonyms
 gathers
people
Use synonyms
 of various traditions and
cultures
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, youngsters who have been keen on nostalgic
songs
Use synonyms
 will probably have the same taste as older
people
Use synonyms
. Events or communities can
also
Linking Words
 gather
people
Use synonyms
 of different
cultures
Use synonyms
 together.
For instance
Linking Words
, we can learn
others’
Change preposition
about others’
show examples
 traditional foods, dances,
languages
Correct word choice
and languages
show examples
 in the festivals. From my perspective, I have been into doing meditation with peaceful
songs
Use synonyms
 when I feel exhausted.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, feeling exhausted leads to depressive thoughts, so, meditation can
also
Linking Words
 be a great way to feel relaxed if we want to feel better.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, bringing
people
Use synonyms
 together
also
Linking Words
 has certain drawbacks. I presume that every human has their own opinions regarding the
songs
Use synonyms
 that they listen to.
While
Linking Words
 lean toward preferring pop
music
Use synonyms
,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 can opt for soul
music
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can lead to some arguments among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 as
people
Use synonyms
 have different tastes. Another example is that there are
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
cultures
Use synonyms
 and societies around the world; realistically, everyone would prefer their traditional
songs
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of other mainstream
songs
Use synonyms
. To wrap up,
although
Linking Words
 we have different
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 compared to the others, all of us should be respectful to each other. I firmly(strongly) believe that, if individuals are more respectful
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all types of
music
Use synonyms
 genres and traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
, we
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be more happier in the
Correct your spelling
future
futur
Correct your spelling
future

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring that your paragraphs are well-structured and contain clear topic sentences to enhance logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Consider developing your conclusion further; summarize key points more comprehensively for clarity.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which helps in establishing a strong stance.
task achievement
Your use of personal experiences, such as listening to therapeutic songs, adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
You make good attempts to address potential counterarguments, which demonstrates critical thinking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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