Some people think that governments should care more about the elderly while others think they should focus on investing in education for younger people. Discus both views and give your opinion.

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Caring elderly is a big deal
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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don't have children. An extended family can successfully care
their
Change preposition
for their
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elders
,
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apply
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since a
bag
Correct your spelling
big
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family can make a turn to care
their
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for their
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parents when they get older.
A collecting
Correct article usage
Collecting
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a small
emount
Correct your spelling
amount
of money can discuss
financial
Add an article
the financial
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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. I have an extended family, that's why
a
Correct pronoun usage
I
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have an experience
on
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with
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it. When we face
such
Linking Words
a difficult situation we arrange it as the following.
Firstly
Linking Words
we support everyone who has a problem
such
Linking Words
as
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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, treatment, nursing so on. In
these
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these,
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we meet and
negotiote
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negotiate
how to arrange.
Fir
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
instance we ask total amount of money and divide it into families that
close
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are close
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to us
then
Linking Words
nursing
Correct article usage
the nursing
show examples
issue
solved
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is solved
show examples
on turning
shigt
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right
. That's it. It is so easy for us. People who don't have children and relatives

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas and arguments. For example, it would help to present a clear distinction between the arguments for caring for the elderly and investing in education for the young.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. A concluding paragraph should summarize your discussion and state your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use more formal language and check for grammatical errors to enhance the overall quality of your writing. Phrases like 'bag family' should be replaced with 'large family' or 'extended family'.
task achievement
You provided personal experience which adds a touch of authenticity to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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