IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is a general consensus that as citizens of
this
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 planet, we must do our part to slow down global warming and prevent a catastrophe. Some people believe that if there is a lack of petroleum available, it should be extracted from the Earth.
This
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 essay will delve into the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 format of thought. On the one hand, the demand for crude oil is increasing exponentially
due to
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 the global growth of the industry.
Furthermore
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, the most utilised form of energy is oil and gas, since renewable forms tend to be unpredictable.
For instance
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, the amount of cloud coverage the U.K. gets makes solar energy futile,
thus
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 would not be a good supplier in
this
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 country.
Hence
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, extraction from remote areas could help to bridge the gap.
On the other hand
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, the world is heading towards the tipping point - to the point of no return.
Therefore
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, using other sources could slow down the progression of disaster.
For example
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, wind and hydro-energy or biofuel are energies of sustainability. These would provide a safer alternative which will not exploit remote lands and
also
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 prevent the catastrophic events caused by global warming. In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 message. Personally, I believe sustainable methods are better for the future. As a wise person once said, we do not inherit the world from our ancestors,
instead
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 we borrow it from our children.
Hence
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, we should act
accordingly
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 to ensure we do not leave the Earth worse than we found it.

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task achievement
While the essay does address the main task, there are some areas that lack detailed development. To improve, provide more specific examples or case studies to support each argument and expand on how these points directly relate to the question.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure that each paragraph clearly builds on the previous one and develops a single main idea comprehensively. Some transitions between ideas are a bit abrupt. Consider using more cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Clarify the main points and ensure each one is supported and explained. The argument in paragraph 2 about the unpredictability of renewable resources could be expanded with more detailed examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which convey the writer's standpoint effectively.
task achievement
The inclusion of a thought-provoking quote in the conclusion adds a reflective and impactful ending to the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay presents balanced considerations of both advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating an ability to see multiple perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • underdeveloped areas
  • environmental cost
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable development
  • geopolitical issues
  • resource control
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