IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has led to many social problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In
this
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 modern
world
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, the usage of technology is constantly on the
rise
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. Everyone nowadays equips themselves with a smartphone as an all-in-one device for both work and entertainment needs. It is disagreed that the
rise
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 of mobile
phone
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 users is leading to many social problems. Analysing the development of telecommunication systems,
as well as
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 the many benefits of
smartphones
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 will prove
this
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.
Firstly
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, the
rise
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 of telecommunication systems has reduced the distance of connection between people around the
world
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.
For instance
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, family members can easily connect to their loved ones in any corner of the
world
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 with a simple
phone
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 call.
Additionally
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, with the growth of the Internet,
phone
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 calls can be upgraded to video calls, where people can share their experiences from a place they are currently visiting
while
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 talking to their friends at the same time.
As a result
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, writing letters and sending postcards are being replaced by social network posting and high-quality video-sharing platforms.
Secondly
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, it is undeniable that
smartphones
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 nowadays can replace many personal needs from work to entertainment.
For example
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, we can take a bus to school
while
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 listening to our favourite song on the
phone
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 at the same time.
Furthermore
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, with the vast resources on the Internet nowadays,
smartphones
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 have become our gateway to the
world
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 with a simple tap on the screen.
Therefore
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, the benefits
smartphones
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 bring to humans outweigh their drawbacks. In conclusion, the
rise
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 of mobile
phone
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 use is an inevitable trend as it was a result of many years of the development of telecom networks and the adaption of users' behaviour.
Therefore
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, the idea of social problems caused by mobile phones cannot be supported. After a thorough analysis of
this
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 subject, it is predicted that
this
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 trend will continue to
rise
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 in the future and smartphone users will only increase year by year.

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task achievement
Consider including a counter-argument to provide a more balanced perspective. This will strengthen your position and show that you have considered different viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples to support your arguments, such as the use of video calls and the convenience of smartphones.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • social skills
  • personal relationships
  • mental health issues
  • anxiety and depression
  • distractions
  • cyberbullying
  • productivity
  • learning outcomes
  • communication
  • access to information
  • professional growth
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