IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that young people should focus on their education and not waste their time on things like socializing and partying. Others argue that socializing and having fun is an important part of youth and should not be sacrificed for the sake of education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that managing
time
Use synonyms
 and dispencing it with beneficial things is so
infaluable
Correct your spelling
invaluable
.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that students have to use their
time
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in studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
, there is
also
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 an argument that they should manage it with
liesure
Correct your spelling
leisure
pleasure
 and fun.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, there is a faith that
instead
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 of wasting
time
Use synonyms
 on unbeneficial things, sons have to seize the opportunity to do good
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
In other words
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, children need to focus on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and make reviews when they have
no thing
Correct your spelling
nothing
show examples
 to do.
In addition
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, having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fun or a lot of communication will make them
distructed
Correct your spelling
distracted
destructed
 when
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 attend classes.
For example
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, some of them come back home
so
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apply
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late and do not take so much
time
Use synonyms
in sleeping
Change preposition
to sleep
show examples
 which need to focus.
On the other hand
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, many parents think that socializing and partying would help kids in their education. It is
also
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 possible to say that contacting a lot and having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fun will boost sons's skills in the future.
Moreover
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, focusing on education and closing other doors would not make business
connects
Replace the word
connections
show examples
 improve.
For instance
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, Engineerings or Lawyers need to get more colleagues to strengthen their knowledge or get better work
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that socializing and partying will make our young people
perfomce
Correct your spelling
perform
 well in their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and enhance their contact skills.

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Language
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity. For example, 'infaluable' should be 'invaluable,' and 'distracted' should replace 'distructed.'
Content
Develop your ideas more fully. For instance, in the second paragraph, explain how socializing can lead to academic success, not just in terms of making connections, but also in reducing stress and building teamwork skills.
Organization
Ensure that your topic sentences clearly present the main ideas for each paragraph to help guide the reader through your argument. For example, start paragraphs with sentences that directly reflect the points you will make.
Structure
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion of both views and states your intention to provide your opinion, which is a good way to engage the reader.
Content
You presented valid points in both perspectives regarding education and socializing, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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