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Band 6.5

Write about the following topic: Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #schools #food #drinks #students #lunch #breaks #development
As a popular saying
Health
 is wealth! People are very conscious of their
health
 because living a good life
started
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
 with looking after your
health
. In
this
 essay, I will be explaining the negative impact of unhealthy meals and back my reasons with possible solutions.
Firstly
, the goal of every business owner is to make money and grow their business. Restaurants in schools only think of a way to attract
students
 to purchase what they sell, they often market what will draw the interest or attention of the
students
. They
also
 put themselves in competition and care less about the well-being of these
students
. Mostly during the lunch period, every student wants to get out of the class and satisfy their stomach without the thought of who sells the healthiest foods.
On the other hand
, research shows that teenagers fall sick easily from what they eat in school.
For instance
, the Chemicals that are used to make these drinks are poisonous, which can easily damage the body's system
also
 the meals lack protein. Another point of view is that the academic association doesn't pay attention to what the restaurants sell to the
students
 which is very wrong, they are supposed to care about the well-being of their
students
 and ensure they are eating good food.
To sum up
, I think
this
 development is ridiculous, I suggest two cafeterias are enough in school and proper monitoring is important.The student's
health
 should be their top priority and without these kids in school, the system won't be functioning. They should install cameras in every outlet to monitor what they sell to shoppers.
Submitted by aodunayo35 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement stating whether the development is positive or negative.
Task Achievement
Expand upon the reasons for your argument by adding more details and specific examples. Avoid general statements without examples or evidence to support them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize the essay in clear paragraphs, each with a single focused idea. Use cohesive devices to link ideas between paragraphs effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on logical progression of ideas, making sure that each point builds on the last and contributes to your overall argument.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to refer to concepts more precisely and avoid repetition. Using synonyms can help with this.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to verb tenses, articles, and agreement between subject and verb to reduce grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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