IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children today find it’s difficult to concentrate or pay attention in schools. Why do you think causes this problem? What do we need to do to solve this problem?

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Many students struggle to concentrate and be attentive in
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 which leads to Academic performance decrease. There are several reasons
of
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for
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this
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 problem to occur, including technological distraction, lack of physical
activities
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, and ineffective teaching methods. Society must work together to create
the
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apply
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supportive and engaging
evironments
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environments
environment
. One of the major
reason
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reasons
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of
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for
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 reduced attention spans is technology rising. Many
children
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 have spent excessive time on their smartphones, video games, and social media, which
shorten
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shortens
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 their ability to focus for long periods.
For example
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, studies have shown that
children
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 frequently use digital devices with more concentration in their classes.
Additionally
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, a lack of
low
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apply
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physical
activities
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 can contribute to restlessness and fatigue. Making it harder for students to stay engaged in lessons. To solve
this
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 problem, both
schools
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 and parents must take action.
Schools
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 should incorporate
and
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apply
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more interactive and engaging teaching methods,
such
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 as group discussions, hands-on
activities
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, and educational games, to maintain student's interest.
For instance
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, Using technology in
structured
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a structured
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 way;
for example
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, quizzes and multimedia
presentation
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presentations
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which
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apply
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can make learning more exciting. The parents should set limits on screen time and encourage outdoor
activities
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 to improve
children
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's focus and
overall
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 well-being
,
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apply
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 and ensure that
children
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 get enough sleep and maintain a healthy diet. In conclusion,
distraction
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a distraction
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 from technology, lack of physical
activities
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 and poor lifestyle habits are key reasons why
children
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 struggle with their concentration in
the
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
schools
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school
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. To solve
this
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 problem,
schools
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 and parents must cooperate to create a stimulating
learing
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learning
 environment
while
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 promoting healthy habits. By doing so,
children
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 can develop better concentration skills and perform more effectively in their studies.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the thesis and outlining the main points. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your points are fully developed with clear explanations and relevance to the main issue.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and typos which can distract the reader from your argument. For instance, 'major reason' should be 'major reasons'.
coherence and cohesion
Consider enhancing transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow in your writing, helping the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You have identified relevant causes for the difficulty children face in concentrating, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions, which is a strong point and aligns well with the prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Attention span: The amount of time someone is able to concentrate on a task without becoming distracted.
  • Distractions: Things that prevent someone from giving full attention to something else.
  • Digital technology: Electronic devices and applications that facilitate communication and entertainment, e.g., smartphones, tablets, social media.
  • Engagement: The level of interest or involvement a student exhibits towards their learning and school activities.
  • Learning environment: The physical or psychological conditions in which learning takes place, which can affect students' ability to concentrate.
  • Stress: A state of mental or emotional strain resulting from challenging or demanding circumstances.
  • Academic pressure: The stress or anxiety related to schoolwork, grades, and performance.
  • Extracurricular activities: Non-academic activities that are part of school life, such as sports, clubs, or music, which can also affect students' stress levels.
  • Physical activity: Exercise and movement, important for maintaining health and improving concentration.
  • Time management: The ability to use one's time effectively or productively, especially for schoolwork.
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