IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say that sports should not be encouraged in schools because they cause competition rather than cooperation among students. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that
sports
Use synonyms
 should be discouraged at
schools
Use synonyms
 because
such
Linking Words
 activities inspire competitive behaviour more than cooperative spirit. I completely disagree with the idea of discouraging
sports
Use synonyms
 at
schools
Use synonyms
. There are
Correct article usage
a nmber
show examples
nmber
Correct your spelling
number
 of reasons why
sports
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged at
schools
Use synonyms
. One possible reason is that
sports
Use synonyms
 are an excellent source of physical exercise. By participating
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different forms of sporting activities,
students
Use synonyms
 can not only be physically fit but
also
Linking Words
 mentally more composed. Another reason is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
participation
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 learn the importance of teamwork in life because many team
sports
Use synonyms
 require team collaboration to win.
For example
Linking Words
, when a student takes part in
cricket
Correct article usage
a cricket
show examples
 or football match, he or she will learn that it is not always possible to win
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if we do not know how to work as a team.
This
Linking Words
 learning will
also
Linking Words
 make it easier for the
students
Use synonyms
 to
scceed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 later in their professional lives.
In addition
Linking Words
, the option to play
sports
Use synonyms
 keeps
students
Use synonyms
 away from different negative influences,
such
Linking Words
 as drugs, social media addiction, and so on. Without playing
sports
Use synonyms
 regularly, it will be extremely difficult for
students
Use synonyms
 to live an active and balanced life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 will be attracted to
schools
Use synonyms
 even more if they have an opportunity to play
sports
Use synonyms
 because
sports
Use synonyms
 are the best form of entertainment,
for instance
Linking Words
, many
schools
Use synonyms
 arrange an annual
sports
Use synonyms
 week for their pupils when they find that attendance is low.
This
Linking Words
 arrangement often motivates even the most irregular
students
Use synonyms
 to attend school regularly so that they do not have to miss any games. In conclusion, considering the factors discussed above,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe
sports
Use synonyms
 should always be a part of the school curriculum.

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language
Make sure to proofread for spelling errors (e.g., 'nmber' should be 'number', 'scceed' should be 'succeed'). These minor errors can detract from clarity and professionalism.
content
Expand on your arguments to make them more comprehensive. For example, provide more specific examples of how teamwork in sports translates to success in professional lives.
coherence
Add a clearer transition between the different points in your paragraphs to enhance the flow. This will help the reader navigate through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue and provide relevant reasons to support your argument.
coherence
Your essay structure is organized with distinct paragraphs for each point, which makes it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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