IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future

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People
Use synonyms
 usually have different perspectives
of
Change preposition
on
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 future planning. Some
people
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 argue that saving
money
Use synonyms
 is crucial for younger generations. I do not totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view. On one hand, saving
money
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 may have a profound impact on the stability of
future
Correct article usage
the future
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.
People
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 may have high
risk bearing
Add a hyphen
risk-bearing
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 abilities when they have sufficient
deposits
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 in their bank account. They may not be afraid of dealing with accidents in their lives,
for example
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, they could have adequate
money
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 to pay for the hospitalization costs if they get diseases.
Moreover
Linking Words
, starting to save
money
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 could
also
Linking Words
 benefit young
people
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 to create a better quality of life for their family in the future,
for instance
Linking Words
, they may be able to pay for high-quality education for their children in annuals to come.
Therefore
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,
to have
Change the verb form
having
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 sufficient
deposits
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 can be beneficial.
However
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, depositing too much of the total income at the bank may make the
money
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 lose value.,
Due to
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 the impact of inflation, the purchasing power of
money
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 is gradually decreased
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
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. The low interest rate offered by fixed
deposits
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 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
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banks can not maintain the exact value of
money
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 when the inflationary pressure is increasingly higher in recent years.
As a result
Linking Words
, younger generations could be recommended to use their salaries to do some investments,
such
Linking Words
 as purchasing stocks, setting up low-cost online businesses and so on, in order to augment their income
further
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
 way, saving
money
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 may not be important
according to
Linking Words
diverse
Add an article
the diverse
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 economic environment.
Overall
Linking Words
, saving
money
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 could be an effective way to keep life stable and consistent as time goes by. But it would not be wise to rely on
deposits
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 only that doing
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
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 is
also
Linking Words
 essential to preserve the value of assets.

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Task Response
The introduction could better outline your position more clearly. Consider stating your view on the importance of saving money for the future explicitly.
Task Response
In your conclusion, it's good to summarize, but you might also want to strongly restate your opinion to reinforce your standpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother; for instance, using linking phrases like 'additionally' or 'on the contrary' would enhance flow.
Task Response
Try to clarify your examples further. For instance, explain what types of investments are worthwhile, as it would provide more substance to your argument.
Overall Impression
You provided a balanced view with both advantages and disadvantages of saving money, showing good critical thinking.
Overall Impression
Your use of examples, such as the importance of education in the future, adds to the relevance of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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