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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
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The given table indicates the total number of
visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the Ashdown Museum before and after it was rehabilitated, and
also
Linking Words
 a provided pie chart compares the satisfaction
rate
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in five different
ctagories
Correct your spelling
categories
, in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both years. A brief look at a pie chart
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a
year
Use synonyms
 before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 reveals that the
rate
Use synonyms
 of dissatisfied and satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 was noticeably higher than other
goups
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groups
, accounting for 40 % and 30 % of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
. The remaining 30% belonged to very satisfied, very dissatisfied and no
respnse catagories
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response categories
, with 15%,10 and 5 % respectively. A
year
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 after
refurbishment
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, the share of very satisfied and satisfied individuals increased
siginficantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 to 35% and 40%,
respectiuvely
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respectively
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of dissatisfied and very dissatisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 experienced a dramatic reduction to 15 and 5 each.
Additonaly
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Additionally
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of no response
catagory
Correct your spelling
category
 remained unchanged at 5% during a given period.
Due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
 of Ashdown Museum, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 increased from 74000 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 before reconstruction to 92000 during the
year
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 after
refurbishment
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. All in all,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 not only the satisfaction
rate
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 developed after
refurbishment
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 activities, but
also
Linking Words
 the
toatal
Correct your spelling
total
 number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 reached a peak of 92000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, rate, year, refurbishment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor statistics
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal trends
  • demographics
  • benchmarking
  • feedback mechanisms
  • amenities
  • exhibitions
  • customer experience
  • turnaround
  • user engagement
  • footfall
  • improvements
  • disparities
  • perception
  • enhancements
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