IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people ,however, think that authority. Other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Around the world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth is considered to be the most essential aim by the governments.
However
Linking Words
, common citizens assume that
the
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apply
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authority has
as
Correct your spelling
a
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 significant role
as
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in
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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for
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of
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 a country.
Although
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,
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 the economic situation is the key to the development of the whole nation, I believe that the well-being of inhabitants, which is
more
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a more
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 fundamental factor, can be maintained by the measures provided by superior officials. The upward progress in
economy
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the economy
an economy
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 is the primary reason
to
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for to
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 improvement of the whole area. Not only are more job opportunities created, but
this
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 leads to a rise
of
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in
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social
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the social
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 status of individuals.
Moreover
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, if the government develops industrial fields
in
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on
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 their land, it will establish new possibilities to export
their
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apply
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both raw and manufactured materials to upsurge the national income.
For example
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, statistics provided by the Ministry of Industry and Construction of my country Kazakhstan indicate that as the stabilisation of economic conditions has improved, the figure for GDP has increased
for
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by
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 45% and the standard of people's living has exhibited
the
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an
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 improvement at 56% since Kazakstan gained its independence. From the other perspective, the progress in the authorities of regions can lead
a
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the
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 way to a number of positive enhancements in various fields, resulting in a better condition of life. The life spheres
such
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 as social equality, education, healthcare and environmental concerns can be solved and enhanced only by the initiatives taken by the officials.
Furthermore
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, having focused on the superiors' workforce, the whole territory residents are able to benefit by taking holistic approaches and cease the degradation of issues across the land.
For instance
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, Switzerland is recognised to be one of the wealthiest and most convenient
place
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places
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 to live.
The history
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History
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 can be a primary example of concentrating on the quality of governors despite having several policy members who control all welfare of
Switzerlanders
Correct your spelling
Switzerland
. In conclusion,
while
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 policy members consider the upgrade in
economy
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the economy
an economy
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is
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to be
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 more important for their region, the residents assume vice versa,
contempleting
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contemplating
 the most significance
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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on them. Even though, economic development is the most crucial role-player, I reckon the official progresses are more vital as the standard of living can be improved by taking well-rounded approaches.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure to structure each paragraph clearly with topic sentences and logical progression.
coherence and cohesion
When making comparisons or contrasting views, ensure clarity by using cohesive devices correctly.
task achievement
Clarify your own opinion more explicitly in the conclusion to strengthen task response.
task achievement
Provide more specific development in arguments to enhance depth of ideas.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples, particularly from Kazakhstan and Switzerland, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay clearly presents two sides of the argument before concluding with a personal opinion, reflecting an understanding of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic progress
  • standard of living
  • national income
  • job creation
  • GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
  • social inequalities
  • environmental degradation
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • social equality
  • sustainable practices
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure investment
  • long-term benefits
  • citizen welfare
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