IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You recently went to a cocert and thought one of the band players was very good.You want to tell how you feel. Write a letter to the band player

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
First of all,many congratulations on your extraordinary guitar performance at "Susanna Hall" in Dubai.I recently moved to Dubai and my sister invited me to go to
this
Linking Words
 show. I did not know about your band until now. But,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 performance, I became a great fan of yours. Your show was thrilling and fantastic! I have not been
this
Linking Words
 happy for a long time. Actually, my sister
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
budding violinist and
also
Linking Words
 a member of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tremendous music band.
Also
Linking Words
,I play contrabass and
a
Add a missing verb
am a
show examples
member of the local music group.
However
Linking Words
, I have never written my own songs and I
hoping
Wrong verb form
hope
show examples
 your band help me write my own songs. Having
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 your concert, I
got
Verb problem
was
show examples
 encouraged to write to you.But I have never
got
Verb problem
had
show examples
a chance to meet
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
 rock singer. I am hoping you help meet famous rock singer Freddies Mercury in your group. Please spend time with me to help write songs on my own. Please be considerate of my request Yours truly, Billura.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to include a brief introduction about yourself, mentioning why you attended the concert. This will provide context to your letter.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to make your message clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and punctuation, like ensuring 'Freddie Mercury' is correctly spelled. This will enhance the professionalism of your letter.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for the band and the performance comes through strongly, which makes the letter engaging and heartfelt.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with a greeting and closing, which is a good practice in letter writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: