IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that parents should devote more time to helping their children with schoolwork. Others think that they should allocate more time to playing sports with their kids. Discuss both views and give your own opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
parents
Use synonyms
 must
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 to help them do
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 schoolwork.
Howover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, others view that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 to spanding more
time
Use synonyms
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 and
exepres
Correct your spelling
examples
 with examples.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, now the lifestyle has been changed to more
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means more
confort
Correct your spelling
comfort
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 to help
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 do
Use synonyms
schoolworks
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
. In
addtion
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addition
, there are many
parents
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do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 because that will help
children
Use synonyms
 to do more work at
school
Use synonyms
 and on
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their schoolwork
schoolworks
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when I was
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 my
parents
Use synonyms
 gave me
time
Use synonyms
 to
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 that
support
Wrong verb form
supported
show examples
 me to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 because they
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 my mood.
Body paragraph 2
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 must give
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 more
time
Use synonyms
 to do what they want
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 to change
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 mood.
Moreover
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, many
parents
Use synonyms
 want to
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 achievement
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
school
Use synonyms
 that
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good way but with more careful on
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
time
Use synonyms
 and tell them how
imoprtant
Correct your spelling
important
 to
time
Use synonyms
 order on
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I was young my
parents
Use synonyms
told
Verb problem
gave
show examples
 me advice about
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
the
Change the word
my
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and that
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 me to improve my
time
Use synonyms
 I spent
time
Use synonyms
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 to did my
Use synonyms
schoolworks
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should manage the
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 and that will help them
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
school
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 life.
Although
Linking Words
, the
parents
Use synonyms
 must tell them about spending the
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way and help them to support them to do more on their
Use synonyms
schoolworks
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
 and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life.

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language reference
There are several spelling errors and grammatical issues that weaken your overall message. Try to proofread your essay to target common mistakes such as 'howover' (however), 'thier' (their), and 'spanding' (spending).
idea development
Your points are relatively clear but could be expanded further for better depth. For instance, when discussing the importance of both study and sports, including specific advantages each brings to a child's development could strengthen your argument.
cohesion and coherence
Make sure you provide a more balanced representation of both views in the body paragraphs. Ensure that each side of the argument is given equal attention and developed clearly.
task response
You have successfully identified the two views regarding parental involvement in children's education and sports, which shows good task understanding.
idea support
Your use of personal examples adds authenticity to your argument and helps engage the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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