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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Bar graph with people from diffrent ages 18-34,35-54,over 55 facing diificulties after moving in abroad

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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar graph illustrates
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the difficulties of migrants
such
Linking Words
 as making friends and learning the native speech in foreign nations. The ratio has been calibrated in percentages. After analysing the graph, it can be seen clearly that more than 45% of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 18-34 find difficulties in making friends, followed by
people
Use synonyms
 from 35-54
aged
Verb problem
apply
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which is approximately 37%.
On the other hand
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, only 22%
senior
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of senior
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people
Use synonyms
 over 55, struggle
in creating
Change preposition
to create
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Add an article
a bond
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bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
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 with others. In terms of accommodation problems, the differences between 18-34 and 35-54 aged settlers are almost negligible amounting to 40% and 39%, respectively.
Moreover
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, a similar number of
people
Use synonyms
 over 55 ages struggle
in creating
Change preposition
to create
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 a friendship and
finding
Wrong verb form
find
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 a place to live with approximately 21% and 22%, respectively.
Furthermore
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, for 35%
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people
Change preposition
of people
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 aged 35-
54
Add a comma
54,
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 it is hard to learn other languages, which is 5% higher than that of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 18-34.
However
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, double
of
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apply
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this
Linking Words
percentages
Change the noun form
percentage
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Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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 who are above 55 encounter issues in learning
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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 language.
Overall
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, what stands out from the graph is that
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
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 number of retired
people
Use synonyms
 combat
in
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apply
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learning
native
Correct pronoun usage
their native
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 language,
whereas
Linking Words
half
Add an article
the half
a half
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ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
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 of that
have
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has
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 socialising and residency
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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. Another interesting point is that
people
Use synonyms
 under 34 ages have to cope
up in
Change preposition
with
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 establishing a friendship after moving
to
Change preposition
apply
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abroad.

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed analysis and comparisons between the different age groups, which will enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use varied sentence structures and vocabulary to improve the overall fluency of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction restates the information from the graph clearly and accurately, and consider rephrasing the conclusion to summarize the main trends you discussed.
task achievement
You effectively introduced the topic and included percentages to support your points, which is a strong aspect of your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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