IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, the number of people visiting art galleries is reducing. What do you think the reasons for this are? How can we solve this problem?

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The demand for
art
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 and
art
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galleries
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 is decreasing in
this
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 contemporary era. In many countries,
people
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 have dropped their interest in visiting
such
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galleries
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. I will illustrate the discussion on
this
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 subject
further
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 in the following essay. Compared to the olden days,
people
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 are fond of different types of
art
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. The majority of
people
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 are keen to know in depth of paintings. In fact, visiting the places where numerous arts or paintings are showcased
such
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 as
galleries
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, museums, exhibitions and
art
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 festivals has been a hobby for them. In
such
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 a way,
this
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 practice helped the
people
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 to enhance their knowledge, invest their thinking ability and spend their time viewing each craft piece from different perspectives.
Moreover
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, investing amount on valuable
art
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 pieces was a trend in those days.
However
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, the aforementioned statements have drastically changed in the current generation.
People
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 are induced into the world of technology. Almost every piece of information and details are available on the Internet. They chose surfing through a vast network and collecting knowledge rather than visiting
such
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 museums in person. Indeed
people
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 have become lazy in these circumstances. To solve
this
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 issue, conducting
art
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 festivals in each locality would be a significant plan to display
art
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 pieces. The talented artists in town could bring their pieces of
art
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 and participate in contests. It would be interesting if
people
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 start involving in certain events.
People
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's interest in
art
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 will gradually increase;
thus
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, it encourages them to visit more
art
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galleries
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 to learn and engage in
art
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.

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Structure
Consider providing a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. Additionally, try to include a more explicit conclusion summarizing your arguments and suggesting broader implications.
Language
Use more varied vocabulary and sentence structure to enhance the readability and flow of your essay. This will make your arguments stronger and more engaging.
Content
Expand on your supportive main points with more specific examples or evidence. This will help to clarify your arguments and demonstrate deeper insights into the issues discussed.
Content
Your essay contains an interesting perspective on the effect of technology on art gallery visits. This shows clear engagement with the topic.
Content
You've identified a viable solution in the form of local art festivals that could help revive interest in art.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital entertainment
  • cultural access
  • exhibitions
  • streaming services
  • financial constraints
  • leisure activities
  • interactive experiences
  • immersive
  • marketing strategies
  • outreach
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