IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries fast food becomes part of life. It affects people’s lifestyle and diet as well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

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It is a widely spread trend for modern
people
Use synonyms
 to have a simple and light meal all over the world.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to spend less time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooking or preparing the ingredients to treat themselves. Some
people
Use synonyms
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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 for junk
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as burgers or pizzas, which are not healthy and not nutritious.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that there are still more
people
Use synonyms
 who pursue simple but healthy
food
Use synonyms
 like salad or sandwiches. First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 get to know about the importance of nutrition than before. There are many educational programs that publicize the side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of having sweet or salty
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 assert that vitamin
beverage
Fix the agreement mistake
beverages
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as orange juice and grape juice, which
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 packed in the bottle and sold in the market in the past.
However
Linking Words
, it turned out they have
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
 sugar
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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than
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
soda
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
less vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer vitamins
show examples
 than they are expected.
Second,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great recipes which are very simple and healthy. It is easy to make
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
salad
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if only olive oil and vinegar are ready.
In particular
Linking Words
, the traditional Korean recipe for vegetables
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 quite complicated with many steps to make it as a side dish. After
people
Use synonyms
knew
Verb problem
learned
show examples
 about new ways to cook with some vegetables or meats, the cooking process has been
more simple
Correct word choice
simpler
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
 generations in Korea.
Third,
Linking Words
there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who focus on their diet
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chronic
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as skin problems or allergies
occurred
Wrong verb form
that occur
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the change of environment. If they never take a precautious method, it might cause a vicious cycle. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, contemporary
people
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
pay
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
attention
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 what they eat. Even though there are
people
Use synonyms
 who still argue that it
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a serious problem for
people
Use synonyms
 to eat too much fast
food
Use synonyms
, the
acknowledge
Replace the word
acknowledgement
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 has been changed primarily
due to
Linking Words
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 and great recipes
as well as
Linking Words
 attention to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health.

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task achievement
Consider clearly stating your thesis in the introduction to outline your position on the topic more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Refine the topic sentences of your body paragraphs to make your main points more distinct and easier to follow.
task achievement
Ensure that each point mentioned has supportive details or examples that strengthen your argument.
content
Your essay has good overall ideas and demonstrates an understanding of the importance of diet and health.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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