IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that money is the best gift to give to young people while others think other types of gifts are better for young people. Discuss both views and give your opinio

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These days some communities think, cash is considered the best gift to give to young
people
Use synonyms
 who celebrate their birthday but there is one point that other types of gifts are better for young
people
Use synonyms
.
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will look at some reasons and propose some relative examples. Nowadays. more
people
Use synonyms
 give
money
Use synonyms
 as a gift to young
children
Use synonyms
 who celebrate their events or birthdays.Some young
children
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 spend
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
money
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 targeted work.
This
Linking Words
 is a result, they find out which spend your salary on targeted work in the future. On the one hand, giving
money
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 to young boys or girls is an extremely great thing in that they will not be needy of others for
money
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 or other things.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA, parents help their
children
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 with financial problems but in other
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is not the case, they do not help their
children
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 with financial issues.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, clans collect the amounts of
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
 which give on their birthdays or events.
This
Linking Words
 is a result, in the future, they will not have difficulty to collect their everything.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some
people
Use synonyms
 think giving
money
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 as a gift is considered a bad thing. They think, that giving
bill
Correct article usage
a bill
show examples
 is an award, and
this
Linking Words
 causes,
children
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 not to listen to their words and talk back. They think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the best thing is about lessons or useful things,
such
Linking Words
 as books, e-books and others. the crowd who read a lot of books, their brain enlarges their outlook and makes their speech fluent. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think the fund is considered good as gifts to young
children
Use synonyms
, right other types of gifts are great but cash helps them.

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coherence and cohesion
Revise the introduction to clearly outline both views and your opinion in a more structured way.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is important in a discussion essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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