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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphone Why is this the case? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

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After the invention of
hand held
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handheld
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 devices (
smartphones)
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smartphones),
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 more and more individuals started buying and using them, as these electronic devices were able to perform many different tasks.
This
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 trend continued and the number of people owning a smartphone increased to the point that even recently
children
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 can not let go of
this
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 legendary or rather addictive invention. In
this
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 essay, I am going to mention why I believe that
this
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 is more of a destructive trend, despite all the advantages technology brought to us.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 mostly use phones for entertainment purposes
such
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 as playing games, watching videos and texting friends.
While
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 these activities might not seem to have that much of a negative impact on the
children
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, they actually could be quite dangerous if kids overuse them and spend more
time
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 on them than they should.
For example
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, having physical activities, studying and spending
time
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 with family are all crucial for a kid to have a healthy mental and physical life.
Furthermore
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, disrupting any of these aspects can result in health issues like kids becoming depressed or obese.
Moreover
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, to prevent any potential risks
parents
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 are responsible for lessening the
time
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 their
children
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 spend behind the phone by monitoring them, as cutting their access to these devices is difficult,
it
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but it
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 is the best solution.
This
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 way,
parents
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 will make sure that their kids have enough
time
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 to take part in all necessary aspects of life. In fact, there are apps available for
this
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 exact same matter, which work by blocking access to the phone after a certain
time
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 or simply sending notifications to
parents
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' phones about the period spent.
To conclude
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,
while
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technology
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the technology
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 itself is very beneficial
,
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apply
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 when it comes to under-aged individuals, matters become more sensitive as they become addicted to them much easier, which can affect their health.
In addition
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,
parents
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 should be aware of the risks involved and step forward to limit the hours that a child uses a smartphone.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are supported with clearer examples and evidence. This will enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and transitions to enhance the flow of your argument and improve coherence.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear stance on the topic and outlines what your essay will cover.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay logically, with a clear distinction between different ideas and points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Engrossed
  • Distracted
  • Addictive
  • Digital natives
  • Virtual reality
  • Interactive
  • Online gaming
  • Social media platforms
  • Connectivity
  • Social engagement
  • Information access
  • Learning tools
  • Peer influence
  • Societal pressure
  • Alternative activities
  • Recreational facilities
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