IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the experience children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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There is an argument about whether childhood
gained
Verb problem
apply
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experience plays a bigger role in the future of an individual or it is the knowledge achieved in teenage years which has the most impact. In my own opinion, the experience collected from teenage time has a much greater impact, because those tend to stay in the memory for a much longer period. In
this
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 essay, both sides of
this
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 statement will be discussed.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, childhood memories and knowledge are most often limited, as individuals are not able to perform any significant tasks on their own, which could lead to gaining a worthy insight.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people at that age are still at the beginning of their paths and most of the important things are done by the parents, so the experiences are limited to the friends and family of the individual, as the family forms the
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
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 of a child's beliefs and ideas towards life at that age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, schooled teenagers often encounter challenges, which they have to solve themselves
such
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 as working to make money to meet their demands.
This
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 will result in much more realistic and useful information.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is at
this
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 age that a person starts to communicate with the outside world, which alone helps a lot in gaining information about how they should deal with strangers and what reflection to expect for each of their behaviours. Clearly, most of
this
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 is not accessible in the early stages of life.
To conclude
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, anyone
have
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has
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 their own opinion about
this
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 matter but
personaly
Correct your spelling
personally
, I think that, because available sources for gaining worthy experience are much smaller in childhood when compared to the struggles that we face in our teenage years, individuals would often not rely on them and choose to go with the higher and more reliable
varient
Correct your spelling
variant
, which comes from school life.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define the main points of both views in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking phrases more frequently to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs, making the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the discussion of the teenage experiences and their impact.
positive comment
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion and presents your opinion clearly.
positive comment
The essay addresses both views, which is essential for this type of question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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